Embracing life fully”.  June tip

a happier more positive channel. I am suggesting that you train your eyes to see the joy in nature, even if you live in the city. Pay attention to nature as you feel the breeze, see the stars, observe cloud patterns, watch the birds and notice the trees.  This month I will offer some suggestions that will help you become more relaxed, as you begin to have fun in the ordinary.

1. Live in the present moment because it is the only thing that you can control. Alcoholics Anonymous states this philosophy in the famous Serenity Prayer. In the book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, staying in the present moment is a major theme of the novel that is explored through a wonderful tale.

It is fine to make plans for the future to attain your goal but once those plans are made, stop obsessing over them. When you release them, you begin to enjoy God in the present moment and you are able to stay creative and adaptable to any necessary, unexpected changes that might arise.

In Summer is upon us and it is a great time of year to learn how to enjoy your day in a new and deeper way as you “embrace life” more fully.   When I speak about embracing life fully, I am inviting you to switch your thought pattern from the mundane and ordinary to terms of the past, it is important to learn from your mistakes, so some reflection is necessary and helpful but give it a time limit and move on. When your thoughts are stuck in memories and feelings of the past “note it, feel it fully and let it go”. (See February Tip) If there is nothing more that you can do about a situation at this particular time, give yourself a little shake and make the intention to focus your attention on something positive. (This is where the beauty of nature can be helpful).

2. Access your gut and you ask yourself what do I really feel like doing today or at this time?  (See March tip) Be honest and pay attention to the desire that bubbles up within you then make plans to do it! In my therapy practice, I use a technique that I call “Magic Wand” to help my clients access their current desire. I will ask them the following question, “if you had a magic wand and you could do what you want right now, what you would do?”  Even if the answer is not possible at the moment, it allows the person to get in touch with what he/she would like.  Knowing what you want is the first step in attaining it. For example, one time a client accessed that she wanted to go away with her husband for a weekend.  They had little children and their money was tight which made a weekend away impossible. Having accessed the desire to have alone time with her husband, she hired a babysitter and they went out to dinner.

3. Create a list of “Touchstones” of fun ideas that you can use as a reference. In her book, The Artist Way, Julia Cameron has an exercise where the reader makes a quick list of things that they love.  I have modified the exercise and have written lists of activities that make me happy or that I want to do when I have free time. I keep this list handy and when I am bored or sad, I pull out my list and do something fun. I would encourage you to write your own list today. This way when you have no real plans or are restless, you will have a wonderful list of intriguing, fun ideas that will inspire you to embrace your day.

4. Develop an Attitude of Gratitude.  In 2003, Sara Ban Breathnach wrote a book entitled Simple Abundance. Her premise was as follows: “have a beautiful blank book and each night before going to bed, write down five things that you are grateful about that day. Some days the list will be filled with amazing things, most days just simple joys”.  I want to suggest a variation on her philosophy. When you awaken in the morning begin your day with the sentence “I am grateful for…” and become aware of a person or situation that you appreciate.  I find this awareness immediately jump starts my day into thinking of something that makes me happy. I do this same reflection before I go to sleep, as I recall one thing in the day that made me happy. A secondary gain to this exercise is that I am more conscious of the positive occurrences through out the day because I am looking for something to remember in the evening.  Finally, by recalling a delight of the day, I generally fall asleep in a calmer, happier, more relaxed frame of mind.

5. Re-read some of the previous month tips and adapt them.  I am especially thinking of the April and May tips on how to have a more positive attitude.

6. Have “Adventures” as often as possible throughout the day.  Whenever possible, I try to have the mindset of an 8 year old boy.  I chose this image because a child of 8 tends to be happy go lucky, inquisitive, uninhibited and spontaneous. I have also chosen to act like a little boy rather than a girl, because by this age, girls, unfortunately, have already been socialized to be nice, stay clean and defer their desires to others.

As I go about my day, I will sometimes ask myself “what would this child do right now”?  He would buy an ice cream cone and sit on the curb and eat it, he would ask people lots of questions, he would wander down a path in the woods, just because it is there.  When I adopt this mindset, I take myself less seriously and have a whole lot more fun.

In summary, summer is here and I hope that you will commit to using a few of these tips to embrace your life more fully.  In the meantime, I have decided to practice what I preach. Summer vacation is here and I m going to suspend all “non-essential” activity and I have decided to hop in my little red car and have some “adventures”.  I want to encourage you to continue to write your blog comments and also to email me the topics that you want me to write about. I will be back in September.

May you be well and have lots of adventures.

Reflection Question or blog comment:

1. Write 10 things that you wish you would do this summer. (It could be as simple as eating a flavored ice pop or walking barefoot in the grass).

2. Figure out an action plan and go do them. Write to us and let us know what you did.

Creating a Positive Attitude, May tip

In the April tips, you learned how to change your thought pattern in order to develop a positive attitude. Since being positive is pivotal for healing and serenity, I have decided to discuss some additional ways to develop a more positive outlook in your life. This month I will share some effortless ways to change your environment or behavior and increase your positive energy.

1. Retreat from low-energy situations whenever possible, choose to be in close proximity to positive people, (”A” level individuals), and upbeat situations. In the Journey Back to Self CD, I defined “A” level people as those individuals who tend to reflect your goodness, celebrate who you are, and make you feel more carefree.

Make this choice about circumstances in your life or at least be conscious of the impact that a given situation may have on you. Once you can gauge whether a circumstance creates high or low energy, you can make healthier choices and be more self protective. When I am in a low-energy point in my life, I try to avoid or postpone almost everyone or any situation that will drain my energy. When you become conscious of energy exchange, you will find that low energy people or events will tire you, while a positive atmosphere will increase your energy level.

2. Become aware of your Environment. Remove some of the clutter in your home, your closet, or office and see how you feel. In his CD, The Secret of Inspiration, Wayne Dyer suggests that you give away any clothing that you have not worn in a year. Decide to incorporate Feng Shui, an ancient practice of arranging objects or furniture in a way that will make you feel calmer and harmonious, then add simple, soothing objects to your home or office. Notice how these simple changes will make you feel more serene and happy.

3. Pay attention to your habits of daily living. Be aware of the music and TV programs that you watch and the energy that you absorb from it. I have stopped watching shows that feature murder and violence because they make me tense and zap my energy. They have been replaced with sophisticated comedies that make me laugh.

I have also discovered this phenomenon with music. Recently, I kept listening to the soundtrack of a Broadway play that has intense and dramatic music. I discovered that my sleeping became restless, as I continued to play the songs in my head. I switched back to lighter songs and more meditative music and the restlessness disappeared.

Slow down. Give yourself enough time to get to your destination so that you are not always rushing to get to work, to pick up the kids, to make dinner, or to accomplish your next task. When you are feeling rushed, it would be a good place to insert the affirmation “I have all the time I need”. (See February Tips)

A final fun suggestion is to pay attention to the clothes that you wear. On days that I am less than chipper, I consciously put on a colorful outfit or a favorite piece of jewelry and I find I leave the house happier.

4. Practice Random acts of Kindness and ask nothing in return. You will find that positive energy is contagious. We have all heard the story of paying the toll of the person behind you, but take it a step further. Help an older person get the cereal box off the top shelf. Pick up the piece of paper blowing around and throw it away. Let a car pull out in front of you or invite someone to go ahead of you in the grocery line. Make a meal for a sick neighbor or bring donuts to work!

5. Smile as often as you can. View strangers benevolently and smile at them and you will notice that they will usually smile back. Even if you are not in a great mood, make the decision to put a smile on your face and you will feel more joyful and happy. In a May 1, 2008 New York Times article, a study about this phenomenon was featured. The head researcher, Dr. Paul Ekman, concluded “that even when artificially induced, the smile can produce the same brain changes that occur during spontaneous moments of joy and delight. This suggests you can access a pleasant emotion by mechanically turning on the right facial muscle pattern.”

6. Change your thought channel. We are all human and sometimes have negative or judgmental thoughts. When I get like this I give myself a shake and decide to change my thought. I remind myself that I want to feel good and I will not let someone else’s negativity get in my way.

I also find it helpful to note my thought and feel my “negative” feeling fully then let it go by silently saying, “I honor your Spirit and wish you well”. I like this response much better than “whatever” because I am surrounding the difficult person with a blessing just as he/she is.

7. Movement changes energy. When you feel yourself stuck in a depressing emotion, a non-constructive mind-set, or having an unenthusiastic reaction get moving! Movement is an easy way to change your energy and help you become more buoyant. If you are around negative people, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, go outside for a walk, or, if you can’t move away, do some deep breathing. If you are feeling a bit pessimistic go for a brisk walk, a run, work out, sing or start dancing! Movement can release inner tension and effortlessly help you to begin to feel better.

Refection Questions or Blog Comment:

1. Name one person who sees the funny side of life. What is it like when you are with them? Let us know.

2. Choose 1 of the above techniques and use it for a week. Feel free to check back in and let us know how it improved your positive energy.

Learn how to change your thoughts and become more positive.

This month’s tip will teach you how to change your thought pattern to increase positive thinking. It is important to learn how to develop a positive attitude because not only will you be happier, it will also keep you healthy! Carolyn Myss, author of Why People Don’t Heal, states that we need to retain at least 60% of our positive emotional energy, in order for healing to occur. One way to do this is to shift from “stinky thinking” to an upbeat point of view. You will want to learn these skills when life is going smoothly, so you can draw on them when a crisis occurs.

Below you will find some specific techniques to help you “Try a New Perspective”!

A. Reframing -Sometimes we are not pleased about a situation or person. But rather than give it lots of energy, practice saying the least negative statement that would still be true and you will find that it does not bother you as much. In addition, remove the word “hate” from your vocabulary. If you are honest with yourself there are probably very few things in this world you “hate” or are “furious” about. Try to notch these statements down and use “I don’t like” or “I don’t care for it” as substitutes. These are gentler words that are still true but evoke less energy than “hate”.

B. Focus on the positive rather than the negative. We have all heard this many times. It is the glass half full idea. You can focus on how little water is left or how much you still have; both views are equally true. Along these lines, catch people and yourself doing something right and say it! How often do you think to yourself, “What a nice job” and not say it? See how much better you feel when you acknowledge a good deed or achievement.

This week, right after I had written this tip, I saw a billboard that encompassed both ideas. It had a child with a paint brush in hand and bright colors painted on the wall. The poster said “Is this a mess or a work of art? Underneath the picture was written: “It’s all in the perspective; catch someone doing a good job”.

C. Repeat Affirmations that are true. My favorite affirmation is from a medieval woman mystic, Julia of Norwich. It is “All is well”. As I continue to repeat that mantra, my body relaxes because I know even if there are some blips going on at the moment; in the scheme of life, all is well.

Another affirmation that I use when I am feeling pressured for time is, “I have all the time I need”. By saying this, I begin to relax get more productive and end up having the time I need.

D. Make neutral statements about challenging situations. I have practically eliminated 2 other words from my vocabulary: “have to” and “I should”. Think about something that you are going to do tomorrow. Put that activity into this sentence, “I have to______________”. How does your body feel? Now try repeating it using the phrase, “I am going to____________”. Notice how much more relaxed you are about the same activity.

The word “should” has become a red flag for me as well and one I try to avoid. It tends to create guilt and pressure and is often motivated by unrealistic expectations. When I say the word “should”, I question whether the action is one that I need to be doing at the moment. Generally, when God is calling me to an activity, even a challenging or unpleasant task, there is more of a feeling of “I am going to” as opposed to “I should”.

E. Use Humor. A few years ago, Loretta La Roche wrote a book entitled, Relax: You Have Only a Few Minutes Left. In it, she contends that “life is a sitcom and you are the star”. I love this metaphor. When we begin to look at the humor in life, we ease up and stop taking it all so seriously and we get less caught up in the drama of the situation. Another use of humor is to rent funny movies, see a stand up comedienne, and seek out humorous people. Have you ever noticed that when you are with hilarious people you laugh more and even start to get funny? When I am especially down, I turn to any source that is going to make me laugh. Like the smile, laughter creates serotonin which eases pain. Make the decision today to lighten up. Joke a little and laugh at life. Laugh at yourself and learn the power of humor to increase your positive energy and help you to lighten up.

Reflective Exercise:

1. Choose one of the above techniques to practice this week. Let us know how you did with it by writing a comment below.
2. Choose a “negative” word from your vocabulary that you intend to eliminate or reframe or one week. Comment below on the result.

March tip:

How do I increase my intuition?

Intuition is knowledge that does not come from our rational mind. Intuitive information is factual, non-emotional and has a sense of “just knowing”. You probably have experienced intuition and used expressions like “I don’t know how but I just know it” or “I have a sense that….”. It may also come to you as an insight, a dream or a random thought that just appears. In spiritual terminology, intuition is the voice of God whispering direction or knowledge to you that surpasses human understanding.

The following are some simple ways to develop or strengthen Intuition:

1. Prayer/Meditation/Centering: The easiest way to increase your intuition is to take quiet time to be still and listen. It is when the mind is not cognitive that it becomes easier to hear “God’s Whisper”. This state of non-cognition is readily available when one is in a state of prayer, meditation or a centering activity. If you have historically found it difficult to quiet your mind because it is constantly racing, listen to track II of the Journey Back to Self CD. There is a centering meditation that can easily assist you in coming to that place of stillness.

Before you enter into a meditative state, ask a specific question to a problem then empty your mind of thought or agenda and wait for a spontaneous response. Wayne Dyer suggests a prayer as simple as “I don’t know how to deal with this, I’ll move my ego and let You handle it” The answer may or may not come immediately but persevere the “whisper” may occur at another time when your mind is still. Times when your mind is especially receptive is before you go to sleep or upon awakening. Intuition will also arise while you are taking a shower, driving, exercising, painting or doing any activity where your mind is relaxed and quiet.

2. Body/gut feel: Pay attention to how your body feels; it will give you clues to intuitive leadings. When a course of action or an idea is on target, you will feel relaxation in your gut or even your entire body. When it is not the proper course of action, you will feel tension within you no matter what your mind is telling you. Often times we ignore the body tension and respond to what we think we “should” do which is like trying to push a square peg into a round hole. While you may achieve the results that you wanted, it will usually come through a lot of work and at a high cost.

If on the other hand, you pay attention to your gut and defer an action that creates inner tension, your energy will free up. You will notice that you develop greater inspiration and move in unexpected but delightful directions. The key to increasing discerning intuition is to get out of your head and pay attention to how your body is feeling about a specific course of action. If the body is tense and uptight, perhaps you need to step back and ask for further guidance.

3. Practice using it: Intuition is like a muscle, the more that you use it, the stronger it will become. Pay attention to your intuition and begin to act upon it. Practice with small unimportant activities that incur little risk. When you get a sense to call someone or send them a note; do it. Notice the subtle tension that you will feel about making that contact, then the relief once you have completed the task. When you are driving in a car and you can take two different routes, ask your intuition which road you should take and do it. (Sometimes you will actually learn that there was a traffic jam on the other highway). Another fun activity that develops intuition is to guess who is calling you when the phone rings. You will begin to tap into deductive reasoning, which is another form of intuition, and will actually begin to guess correctly.

4. Body Wisdom: Trust your inner wisdom when it comes to your health. Gather all the medical information in as objective a way possible then pay attention to how your body feels when you are given medical advice. If it is not feeling “right” slow down and do more exploring. Dr. Judith Orloff, an intuitive psychiatrist, reports that she always listens when her patients tell her that their medication has to be increased, decreased or changed. She trusts their body wisdom.

As patients, we often default inner wisdom to the medical profession. If the medical advice does not “feel” right continue searching else where. I have had this experience with both of my daughters and with my own health. In each case, we had complicated symptoms and the doctors were stymied. The advice that they were giving us just did not seem right and was not working. I continued to seek out additional medical advice until I found the correct solution. In one daughter’s case, the answer actually came when I was praying and my mind was in that “non-cognitive” state. I got the sense that I should research the side effects of the medication that she was taking, even though two doctors had told me that her reaction could not be caused by the drug. Since my gut was telling me otherwise, I contacted the manufacturer and upon further research, I took her off the medication and her symptoms went away.

5. When in doubt do nothing. In her graduation address at Miss Porters School in Farmington, CT, Oprah said “Wisdom dictates when you are in doubt, if it is possible, do nothing”. This has been one of my maxims in life regarding intuitive wisdom and direction as I balance cognitive knowledge with intuitive leadings. When I have important decisions to make, I try to gather, as objectively as possible, information about the subject or course of action. When I get the information, I put it in my “inner” pot like the ingredients for a stew and place it on the back of the stove to simmer. Sometimes this simmering takes weeks, months or even years. Unless I have a clear sense of direction, while I might stir the “stew” from time to time and even add more ingredients, I do nothing and continue to let it simmer. While it has been frustrating, I have learned that amazing richness comes during the simmering and the results are better than my wildest dreams.

6. An Intuitive example. My CD and this website is a great illustration of the “Intuitive process” at work and I have used most of the above techniques. My professional identity is that of a counselor and hypnotherapist. I never planned to record a CD or have a web site. When I “let go” of preconceived ideas about my professional limitations, I connected with the Divine and became open to “intuitive hits”, infinite possibilities and, creative ideas.

After my Sabbatical I was very in touch with my intuition and the Journey Back to Self program literally flowed on paper. Once the program began to be presented, people requested copies of it and asked me to record it. I did not have a clue how to do any of this, so I put my ego aside and asked for Divine help. The advice and assistance that I received from the “Universe” was amazing! It included random help from sisters in law, daughters and even my hair dresser. The right person would emerge with advice and assistance just when I needed it! The website and Self Help tips became an extension of the “ministry” and a 16 year old boy, who I still have never met, materialized to create this beautiful website. The journey continues as I begin to create a holistic resource page and a blog page for you to write comments. Only God knows what is next. I just pay attention to the intuitive leadings and use the above techniques and enjoy the ride which has been effortless and fun.

Reflective Exercise:

Recall one time when you listened to your “intuition”. What were the results? Feel free to share your experience in the comment section. We would love to hear about it!

Choose one Intuitive technique you will use this month.

How do I strengthen an affirmation?

In the Journey Back to Self CD, an “affirmation” is a positive, supportive thought, statement or intention. You can use affirmations to help your desire become reality. As you say and believe your affirmation, you will automatically become more creative and enthusiastic about making the intention happen. In addition, you will begin to see “synchronicity” or “Divine” intervention take place to further your dream as people, ideas or situations emerge to help you. A common response to this synchronicity is “what a coincidence” but rather than a coincidence, Carl Jung would say it is the “Collective Unconscious” in action.

The following are some simple techniques that will help strengthen your affirmations in order to make them a reality.

1. Reword a challenging affirmation so it is believable. It is important to believe with your entire being that your affirmation is attainable. When you state an affirmation that is unrealistic, in your current life circumstances, you will not believe it even if it is a wonderful goal. For example, for you to affirm that you are going to become an astronaut is probably an affirmation that is unrealistic and not believable. No matter how much you say it, your gut will not believe it and therefore, can not affirm it. Instead, substitute an affirmation that you can “hang your hat on and believe” such as, “I intend to travel more” or “I am in the process of learning how to have more adventures”. A statement like this is believable and will help you to stay positive while generating ideas on how to make the affirmation become reality.

2. Say the affirmation as an ongoing process. If you only speak about affirmations in the present tense, you may internally disbelieve them and feel doubt. An example would be if you weigh 400lbs and affirm “my body is slim and healthy” you probably will not accept this affirmation because it is not true. Instead, when you say the affirmation as an act in progress, you are better able to accept it and feel it is possible. As you reframe this affirmation and say, “I have decided to become slimmer and healthier” you can trust in the possibility. It will then become an ongoing affirmation that gives hope and enthusiasm while creating a sense of forward motion.

3. Ask for Divine help. When stymied, turn to a “Higher Intelligence” and ask for direction and guidance. It can be a statement as simple as “Send me the people or information that can help me”, “Show me how to handle this situation” or, I turn this situation over to You”. A tenet of Alcohol Anonymous is to “Let go and let God” as you allow the Spirit to assist you. When you ask for Divine guidance, you will experience synchronicity as people and events suddenly turn up.

4. Recognize the affirmation when it begins to manifest. Michael Loiser in his book The Law of Attraction suggests that as your goal begins to occur to be conscious of the occurrence and celebrate its appearance. Take note when someone “coincidentally” appears with assistance or with the solution that you need. Keep a notebook and record the completion of each step of the affirmation. Share your good news with others; “name it and claim it”. This recognition will help you to have a stronger sense that your desire will occur and keep you positive and motivated.

5. Use “self talk” as a tool to increase affirmations. You can strengthen your affirmation and belief in its accomplishment when you normalize your desire. Remind yourself that others have attained your goal and it is possible. Reflect on people who started out in a similar situation as you and have succeeded. For example, Wayne Dwyer began his career giving lectures in Continuing Education programs in Northport, NY and today he is a famous lecturer. I use this reminder as an inspirational “self talk”. I am originally from a town near Northport and currently give Continuing Education programs, so I relate to Dwyer’s experience and this makes my affirmation more believable and inspires me.

Reflective Exercise:
Write down one affirmation that you intend to focus on this month.
Choose two of the above techniques to help manifest it.

What if I live or work with a “C” level person aka “Energy Vampire”?

This is the most common question that I am asked after my presentation. I want to give you a definition of a “C” level person, and some techniques to help you to protect your emotional energy.

A “C” level person does not have to be inherently bad but rather can be a good person and someone you love very much. It is their outlook on life and their energy that is negative and can leach out and smear everyone that they encounter. They may be critical and complain, depressed, or just view life negatively. They are like a cloud that descends on a sunny day. You know that you have been with a “C” level person because you usually leave the encounter feeling drained. In her book Positive Energy, Judith Orloff calls the “C” level person an “energy vampire” and Wikipedia defines the “energy vampire” as a being that feeds off the “life force” of others.

A clue that you are with a “C” level person is somatic or emotional symptoms. Your body may feel tense, you might get a headache, a stomach ache or feel tired and listless. Since negativity is contagious, you may find you complain more or become more judgmental. Your self image may take a nose dive as you begin to feel somewhat incompetent, bumbling, self doubting; you go from feeling strong and confident to small and insecure.

If you live, love or work with a “C” level person, the first thing that you need to do is admit it because recognition is the first step to healing. Recognizing that a person is a “C” level does not mean that you care for the person any less; quite the contrary, the more we care about a person, the more vulnerable we are to their energy. Once you realize that you are in the presence of a “C” level person try these tips:

1. Step back from them.

A. Physically: If it is possible, avoid “C” level people or set time limits with them; lessen the duration or the frequency of the interaction. When you are in their presence, take one physical step back from them. This will help move you away from their energy sphere and the negative energy will not leach on to you.

B. Emotionally/Energetically: Ground yourself before the encounter by prayer, meditation, mindfulness, breath work or visualization. You want to develop a daily habit of “grounding” in order to retrieve positive energy when you need it. Create a visual “armor” to surround your self; it could be a shield, a raincoat or what ever works for you. An easy imagery is to imagine a cloak of light surrounding and protecting you as it emanates outward.

2. Note it and let it go.

Allow yourself to observe the feelings you are having and name them without judgment. Take a deep breath in and as you slowly exhale, send away any negative thoughts or feelings that are swirling around you. Two easy visualizations are: taking the negativity and putting it in a hot air balloon and sending it up in the sky or placing negativity in a boat on a still lake and sending it off into the sunset.

3. Push back.

Before you confront anyone, ground yourself through prayer or meditation, in order to be more connected to God’s wisdom and energy. Once you are connected to the “Universe”, you will become more authentic and be better able to speak the truth. While meditating, begin to visualize sending blessings to the person that you plan to challenge and this will help you stay benevolent, neutral and loving during the encounter. A simple formula is as follows: Stay grounded in God through daily prayer. The grounding will help you to be authentic and enable you to speak the truth, in a neutral way, as you emit blessing to the other person.

Reflective Exercise:
Name three “C” level people in your life.

Name the techniques you will use in order to remove their impact on you?